Hey, ding-dong!

Are you tired of seeing your hard-earned dollars go to wasteful big government media projects?

Do you know how to pronounce “tph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn” and feel a keen need to summon our aquatic, tentacular demon lord?

Do you know where we can score some cheap Panamanian wacky sticks?

Have you ever been stuffed inside a pizza oven?


If the answer to ALL of these questions is yes, you should consider writing or something. Contact our media spokesman, Dr. Banjo Kazooie, at the e-mail address capncaveman99 (at symbol) gmail (period) com.